Why does it always seem easier to ask for something for someone else? We will ask our child’s teacher for something we think will improve their learning, we will ask a co-worker for a charitable donation for an organization we are supporting, and we will stand up and defend a friend we feel has been wronged. But when it comes to asking for something for us – especially when it’s about money, time off or a promotion – we freeze. Or worse, not stand up for ourselves at all.
It seems that despite how much we’ve been able to advance within our companies, corporate boards or in building a business, negotiating for ourselves creates all kinds of insecurities and internal self-doubt. That hesitation and self-denial has left a whopping 97 percent of women working in full-time jobs that men are paid more to perform, according to the Center for American Progress. In the last decade, new voices and advocates – from Hollywood to Silicon Valley – have brought new energy and resolve to the conversation. Outspoken advocates like Sheryl Sandberg and Arianna Huffington have brought the need for negotiation skills to the forefront, and even the headlines.
The reality is, if you can show measurable results and know you aren’t earning your potential or your worth, then it’s time to put on your big girl pants and make the ask. But before you go knocking down your boss’ door, put a game plan into place. There are hundreds of blogs, articles, books and podcasts on the topic. Carnegie Mellon even offers a negotiation academy for women. So, how do you find what will work best? After a lot of digging, we found a couple of common-sense approaches that will work, whether you’re negotiating a raise or promotion, or trying to find common ground with a colleague or neighbor.
3. Don’t Get Personal: Keep the negotiations focused on your worth, your value to the
organization, and the future path you believe you should be provided with, considering your merit.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Negotiate Like a Woman: We’ve been led to believe that the winner in a negotiation is the person who can walk away, draw the hard line or has a take-it- or- leave-it approach. There is a ton of research on gender differences in negotiations that shows men come to the table with a determination to “win” and women approach the table with a “win-win” strategy. That win-win, also known as interest-based or integrative negotiation (www.pon.harvard.edu), has proven to result in the most profitable, long-lasting and satisfying agreements. Women tend to assume they are not as good at negotiating as men, but the opposite is true. Women need to overcome their own bias and approach negotiations as they would any other conversation in which they were seeking a favorable outcome.
Just do the homework, have the confidence and trust that everything you are asking for is reasonable and fair. Finally, remember that if you don’t ask, you won’t receive. That can add up over time, not just financially, but also in your happiness and your opportunity to grow and develop. So again, do the homework, take the risk and then teach your daughters how to do it! The 2018 JWLF will feature experts in negotiation tactics and strategies; so sign up now and secure your seat at the table!